Friends Forever

With Friendship Day around the corner, I couldn't help but wonder where the terms 'friendship' and 'friends' figure in my life right now. As the days pass by in a monotonous rigmarole of household and mommy duties, it took me a couple of phone calls from old friends to pause and think how life has changed.

Yes, years roll on and one becomes older. Friends are lost on the way - to distance (physically or emotionally), misunderstandings, or lack of communication. But even with the ones that remain, the bond acquires newer meanings. As each of us gets presumably busy with our own lives, friends somehow slid down our priority ladder and are acknowledged with a stray phone call or email, often only to intimate important events. When earlier, hours and hours were spent on the phone talking to them over trivial (but ultra-serious then) and meaningless matter - which reminds me of a brilliant line from the movie 'Jaane tu ya jaane na' where the actress wonders, "College ke din kaise guzar gaye pata hi nahi chala' and the mother of her friend replies, "Phone pe, beta. Phone pe!" - now, there is never the same urgency or opportunity to convey our happiness or pain, as the case may be.

Another question that plagues me is how men are capable of maintaining their friends while women are unable to do so. With the recent flick, ZNMD, glorifying male bonding, I wonder why there are none that speak of female relationships. I remember going out on a trip to California to meet my husband's college friends and their families. But I cannot imagine or remember having heard of a woman taking her husband along on a trip or vacation to meet her friends and their families. Is it because we are so caught up with our family life that we no longer have the need to meet our friends on a regular basis? Or is it because we are so busy that the few days we are free, we would rather enjoy spending it with our relations than our friends, even though we are in one city? It could also be that as life moves on, women adjust themselves to their surroundings and still maintain a close circle of friends - which now comprises of a neighbour, a colleague or a sister-in-law instead of a classmate or a childhood friend.

I also find myself becoming cynical thinking of how close friends now apparently have nothing to talk about other than work and family before the inevitable 'What else?' looms large over the horizon. But I have had infinitely great moments of friendship in my life and I am far too practical to view this gradual phasing out of friends as sad or regretful. Life is like that...the people may not remain the same but the memories of fun, love and excitement will always remain fresh in our minds. Also coming from a family where friends were always treated as family, I have memories of my uncle's friends dropping in during festivals or my cousin's friends being on equally chummy terms with the rest of us. Consequently, my brother's friends were constant visitors while I was a permanent guest member of my sister's gang. So, memories of friendship for me are not just confined to the ones I had with my own friends but the ones I saw all through my life.

A New Year party that my sister's group had at our home is forever a cherished memory. The combined studies, the birthday outings, the movie shows - I was a constant fixture in my sister's life. Similarly, my friends were as at home with her as they would be with me; with some even ganging up on me with her. The long letters, the incessant phone calls (which on birthdays were nonstop), the continuous flow of greeting cards, small gifts and friendship bands- these were the stuff that made up the glorious days of our college life. Talking on and on, in classes, outside classes, at the bus stops, on the way home, after coming home - I wonder what the hell did we have so much to talk about? There was a time when a group of us decided on a picnic to a popular spot in Vizag, Kailasgiri, which is a hilltop. We walked all the way up, spent some time and walked all the way down, which took us a whole day and yet, none of us had any aches or pains and neither was there a dull moment. Ah! The passion and pleasure of youth!

As I go down memory lane, I can recount innumerable instances of fun and frolic - always meeting friends whenever we had time (when did I study?), doing stupid things that are obligatory when one is young, the infatuations, the humour, the laughter, the fights, the problems that seemed life-threatening, the confusion but most of all, the love and affection - which probably is making me miss the good old days and rue the changes that life brings. But as another Friendship Day dawns, I would rather feel blessed for the wonderful times I had with my friends who are all now happy and settled in their own lives than spend it as a day whose meaning and celebration has changed so drastically for me. Because, there will always be someone who will remember me and feel happy to have been my friend as I will for all the friends who made my life cheerful and happy once.
                                         

                          So no one told you life was gonna be this way

                          Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA,
                          It's like you are always stuck in second gear
                          When it hasn't been your day, your week,
                          your month or even your year.

                          But I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour,
                          I'll be there for you, like I've been there before,
                          I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.
                                
                                                                      Theme song of 'Friends'.