Teatime and Happiness

Happiness (or contentment or peace or heaven) for me is sitting in the second room at my home in Vizag at fourish in the afternoon, drinking tea, made by Appa, along with my family. It is the best time of the day. We have had our afternoon siesta and now are in that state of limbo before the evening activity begins. Over a hot cup of perfectly made tea, we chat about sundry topics.The usual suspects are Amma, Appa, Mamma, myself, Akka, Anna and Attiga (take or leave one or two). And at that precise moment, it feels like God is in his Heaven and all is right with the world.

The Tea Nazi: Tea made by Appa is simply the best and perfect tea for all of us. There are a lot of in-jokes about it. For example, he will never start the process of starting the tea before four o'clock (unless it is an emergency) whether he is in Vizag, Hyderabad or USA. Secondly, he has to know how many of us are going to have tea.If you happen to be sleeping or out at that time, you may be awake or home just 5 minutes after he started making tea, Appa's response -"sorry, no tea for you!" So, you should consider yourself lucky if you are able to get a cup of tea.The way he makes tea is also like a scientist - measuring the right amount of milk, tea powder and sugar. Everything has to be  precise. But like gourmet chefs or those fancy dining restaurants, where food is served in minuscule portions, Appa's tea comes in limited amounts...the tea is great but it will be over in two gulps.All said and done, Appa makes awesome chai. The only downside as I realized once - when I made tea, my maid told me, "Sorry, amma, you do not make good tea like your father." So, it's always Appa's chai for us...and especially in Vizag when we are all assembled, it is
the most chilled-out and happiest time ever.

P.S: This post has been inspired by two of my friend's posts, "Happiness is" and "How to Make Tea".

Beerakaya Peechu

In today's technology-driven world, ads about mobiles and internet often brag about connectivity - of how it has become a small world where everyone is connected. But what they do not know is that this connectivity has existed for years and years among Indian families...especially families belonging to my sub-sect. For us,
the world of Madhvas is indeed a small one -  go where you may( and I mean family functions), there is no way that you can escape from being connected. In many a gathering, the following instance would occur with alarming regularity-
Woman greets my mother. Mother introduces me to her. And then - 'Do you know who she is? She is related to us like this. She is my grandfather's brother's daughter's *yawn, yawn, yawn*". While I politely used to nod and smile, while thinking in my head, "Whatever!"
And then I got married. Coming from two big families (paternal and maternal) and getting married into another big one, I soon realized how connected we all are. I think for several decades, and even now, families used to arrange marriages within our sub-sect, as a result of which everyone is remotely or closely connected with everyone else.Moreover, majority of us come from a common place. So 'you are from Vizianagaram' is introduction enough to launch into a discussion of common relations.
And this is how I came to realize and master the game my parents and their generation excel in.

The many ways in which my husband's family and mine are related:
(Warning: The following information is completely mind-boggling and absolutely worthless. So, please proceed with caution.)

My father's third sister and my husband's father's first sister are daughters-in-law of the same family. Or my aunt and my h's aunt are co-sisters(which is the term I believe for daughters-in-law of the same family).So, my cousin and my h.'s cousin are cousins!( Btw, this is how our marriage proposal came about in the first
place.)
My father's second sister's husband's sister's husband's sister is my h.'s father's second younger brother's wife. Or my aunt's sister-in-law's sister-in-law is my h's aunt by marriage. So, my cousin's cousin and my h's cousin are cousins!
My father's second sister's husband's brother's daughter-in-law is my h's father's third younger brother's wife's sister's daughter. Or my aunt's brother-in-law's daughter-in-law is my h's aunt's(by marriage) niece. Or, my cousin's cousin's wife is my h's cousin's cousin.
My father's brother's wife and my h's father's third younger brother's daughter's husband are cousins. Or my aunt(by marriage) and my h's cousin's husband are cousins. Which is funny because my cousin is my kids' uncle but to my h's cousin's kids, he is a cousin. While my kids and my h's cousin's kids are second cousins.
Made your head spin, right?
My father's brother's daughter's husband is my h's father's second sister's husband's sister's son. Or my uncles's daughter's husband is my h's uncle's(by marriage) sister's son. So my cousin's husband and my h's cousin are cousins!

These are only a few of the ways we have common connections. Then there are the common neighbour relations, common college relations, and far too complex pathways of relation that will take a few days to explain.
While writing this, I understood how woefully lacking the English language is in assigning terms to relations...all are aunts and uncles. The following is the terminology we have for our varied range of uncles and aunts.

Atta - father's sister or mother's brother's wife
Attagaru - mother-in-law
Mava - mother's brother
Mavagaru - father-in-law or father's sister's husband
Doddappa or Pedda nanna - father's elder brother
Doddappagaru - mother's elder sister's husband
Doddamma or pedda amma - father's elder brother's wife or mother's elder sister
Kakka - father's younger brother
Kakkagaru - mother's younger sister's husband
Abuchi or pinni - mother's younger sister
Kakki - father's younger brother's wife

And that is how I learnt the art of relationship management..if there is such a thing. The only consolation I have of gaining this knowledge is that I can see myself  in the years ahead boring my two sons to death with my mastery of who is related to whom and how, while they roll their eyes in amusement or indifference.

As for the title, whenever there is a discussion on such impossible connections being found between two people, the final word is always, 'Beerakaya peechu' which literally means the peeled skin of a ridge gourd. Anyone who has ever peeled a not-so-fresh ridge gourd will know that none of the strands come out clean without attaching themselves to their next strand....quite like our very own huge family of common heritage.

Trivial Musings

Why do some movies which seem blah in the theatres appear great when watched again on dvd or telly?

Why did God create lizards? Even if He did for some very good reason, why do they have to hang around inside homes?

Why does a vacation last a longer time during the anticipation, planning and excitement stage than it actually is during real time?

Why is the feature that we hate the most about ourselves the one that is most noticed by others?

What is the ultimate test of patience?....going through the IRCTC website, especially when booking a tatkal ticket

Most common reply heard from men (husbands) when asked about anything, right from 'should I go to my mom's house next week?' to 'what to get for your cousin's wedding?' - "Let's see". I am really not sure what they are waiting to see!

Isn't it ironic how we miss the old days but given a chance, really wouldn't like going back to that time and place? Or, maybe it is just my opinion.

Meaning of stupendous relief : When the power goes off in the middle of a summer night and one is in that half-awake,half-asleep state, when the mosquitoes have a field day(or night) singing in our ears and we curse the electricity department, the sound of the fan blades slowly coming to life is simply the moment of 'stupendous relief'.

Alternately, when one is finally inside the loo, when one is urgently in the need to be there...stupendous is the relief!

The most adorable thing is when a toddler's eyes finally droop and he/she falls asleep, especially when it is out of sheer tiredness and requires no other effort from mom or dad. (Mom of a 3-yr-old speaking!)
When you have a baby, the speed at which you can fall asleep is always inversely proportional to the speed at which baby is ready to sleep. Simply put, you want to sleep but can not. Your baby has to sleep but will not!

And, finally the biggest irony in my life presently - how mothers like me who so want a girl are blessed with boys, while scores of girl children are either killed before they are born, abandoned if they are lucky enough to be born or treated to such discrimination that makes the blood boil!! God surely has a strange sense of humour.

Aaj kaun sa function hai?!

The doorbell rang as Reena hurriedly pulled her hair into a bun and rushed to the door. Outside the door stood her husband, Ram a bit jaded but cheerful. Reena looked exasperatedly at him and said, "Why are you so late today? Don't you remember that tonight we have to attend Vineet's reception?".

For a moment, the smile was wiped clean from Ram's face but he mustered a look of surprise before his observant wife and replied, "Sorry, honey, there was an emergency meeting today. Don't worry. I will get ready in a jiffy."

 Ram -"Really these functions! Why the hell should I waste my evening at a boring reception of Reena's uncle's son's brother-in-law, when I could jolly well laze on the couch watching today's match? Anyway, who keeps a reception on the day of an ODI?"

Reena looked suspiciously at her husband. She said, "Look, Ram, I know you are not interested in coming. But we could not attend his wedding. The least we can do is wish him in the reception. Moreover, Vineet helped us a lot during my wedding. For your sake, I have convinced Sarita to bring along Mukesh so that you'll have company. Now, get ready fast!". Mukesh was Reena's brother-in-law and a close friend of Ram. Ram heaved a sigh of relief.

An hour later, Ram sat next to Mukesh in a corner of the grand hall, where the reception was organized. The hall was thankfully air-conditioned. Guests were milling in and out, greeting the newlyweds who stood on a ornate stage, decorated with the choicest of flowers. Ram said, "Thank god, man, you are here. Otherwise, my whole evening here would have been spent smiling at nothingness and waiting for Reena to finish her endless conversations with her countless relatives." Mukesh replied, "Yaar, I don't know about you but Sarita promised me the food here was good. That is the only reason  I am here."

Meanwhile on the stage, the bride and groom stood patiently, greeting the long line of guests. As it was a reception from the groom's side, the groom introduced his relations as the bride smiled and made small talk. The groom said, "This is my grandfather's brother's daughter and her family." The bride acknowledged their wishes with a smile, took their gifts and passed it behind.

The bride - "How many more guests to come? This lehenga is  so heavy. I can barely stand. The photographers also do not give us a moment's respite. How on earth am I going to remember who all these people are? Ok, I have to really be attentive now."

As Ram and Mukesh talked about sundry topics, suddenly, out of the constantly moving crowd, an elderly lady stopped by Ram's side and said, "You are Ram, right? And you must be Mukesh?". The two stood up and said, "Yes." "How are you? I was just talking to Reena and Sarita about you two. It has been sometime since I  last saw you. Maybe it was only at Reena's reception." Mukesh said, "Of course! How are you doing? How is your health?"

Mukesh -"Oh my god, who is she? Think fast, Mukesh! Is she Sarita's mother's cousin sister? No, no! Is she their childhood neighbour? Oh god, I wonder if Ram remembers."

 Ram - "Say something, Ram! She was at your reception. Reena must have told you about her. Does she have a son who is abroad? No harm in trying!"

Ram said, "How is your son? Has he come back?". The lady looked flummoxed. She replied, "Oh no, I have only one daughter. She and Reena studied together. We were neighbours for many years. I have known Reena and Sarita since they were little girls. I guess, you have forgotten me."

Mukesh - "Yes, neighbour! I should have said so."

Both mustered a weak smile and Ram said, "I am sorry, aunty. I got confused." The lady smiled and said, "It's okay, beta. Hope you are doing fine. I will see you later," and walked away.

The two sat down sheepishly. Ram said, "Honestly, man, I didn't have a clue who she was!" Mukesh said, "Forget about it. It happens all the time at these functions. I wonder how much longer it will take for these two ladies to stop their chatter and give us some attention."

Reena and Sarita were having a gala time catching up with their cousins and other relations. Reena said, "Okay, Sarita, I think we better go and greet the newlyweds. The stage is not so crowded now. You go and fetch Ram and Mukesh. I will wait near the stage."

Mukesh saw Sarita gesturing him and told Ram, "Chal yaar! Bulawa aaya hai. If we can quickly finish this process, we are slowly on our way out." Both of them hurried to the stage. The four of them waited patiently as the previous guests posed for pictures with the newlyweds. Then quickly they made their way, introduced themselves, wished the bride and groom, clicked a picture and climbed down the stage.

Mukesh turned to Sarita and said, "Okay, now that is done. Can we have our dinner please?" Sarita looked irritated and said, "Can't you wait until we are a safe distance away from the stage? What will they think if they hear you? As if we have come for the food!"

Mukesh - "But that is why I have come! Ok, shut up, Mukesh. Thodi der ki baat hai."

Reena said, "It's okay, Mukesh. You guys go on and have your dinner. We will join you later."

An hour later, the four were finally on their way home. Reena and Sarita remarked how much fun they had had while the two men exchanged knowing looks and just thanked God it was over.

A few weeks later, the doorbell rang and Reena sauntered to open it. Ram stood outside and on seeing Reena in a plain saree, remarked, "You are not ready yet? I told you to be dressed by the time I come. Don't you remember today is my boss's son's birthday?"

Reena said, "Of course, honey! The maidservant was late today. And I was not expecting you to be so early. Don't worry. I will get ready soon."

Reena - "Really, these office functions are so boring! Why should I miss my daily serial just to dress up and be bored in a strange party with strange people? Uff, this Ram also will never understand!"

The Unbelievable Life of Pi

I'm not a risk-taker when it comes to collecting books, preferring to pick up books I have already read and liked or classics, bestsellers or award-winning books that guarantee a good read. So, when I bought the Booker Prize-winning novel, 'Life of Pi', I knew it would be good.
Though I'm a literature student, it is with a degree of shame that I admit to never looking at a novel from a critical point of view. I'm purely subjective, never bothering about literary devices or analysing the content, structure or language. Therefore, instead of focussing on its allegorical references or recurring theme of religion and faith, I would like to write about what I took away from that book.
The premise of the novel is simple and interesting. A ship sinks leaving a sixteen-year-old boy in the company of a Bengal tiger in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. The story chronicles the adventures of an ordinary Indian boy, Pi Patel, the son of a zookeeper, who finds himself in extraordinary circumstances; giving us a credible back-story of his childhood and early life in Pondicherry.
By revealing in the beginning that he has survived the ordeal, the suspense may appear to have been quashed but nothing can prepare us for the chilling, mind-numbing moment when Pi watches the ship sink, leaving him clueless about his family's whereabouts. If that were not enough to shake the reader, the presence of a tiger, a zebra, a hyena and an orangutan in a lifeboat with the hero is enough to make us wonder how he could have survived for 227 days in the ocean. That is the beauty and genius of the author's writing! Never for a moment is the attention allowed to wander as Pi painstakingly sketches his daily activities and triumphs over nature and monster.
We weep for his loss. We marvel at his presence of mind as he negotiates life on the lifeboat with the tiger. We sympathise with him as he battles the elements. We are grossed out by his attempts to satisfy his hunger and thirst. We wait as eagerly as he does for the sign of approaching help and are as disappointed when days go on without an inch of hope. We are amazed at his sagacity and wisdom as he trains the tiger to listen to him. We are scared to death as he stares at imminent danger from an unpredictable wild creature. We cheer for him as he masters every obstacle. In short, we are with him throughout the journey. And when finally he sights land and the tiger runs into the jungle without so much as a farewell, we are as astonished and saddened as he is.

And then comes the twist in the tale. A doubt is sown in the mind of the reader, and reality and imagination suddenly merge leaving the reader flabbergasted and flummoxed. The author turns the story on its head and sends the reader searching for the truth in the realms of belief and cynicism. I would like to believe, however, that every reader, just like Pi, would end up trusting and accepting what is eventually 'the better story', no matter how incredulous and improbable.
I may not have read many novels in the past few years, but I can safely say that after 'The Kite Runner', the 'Life of Pi' is a book that disturbed me immensely, albeit for different reasons, and definitely not for the puke-worthy scenarios and sentences. My first reaction is the amount of trust and belief that we humans have that makes us believe blindly in what is told or shown to us. In an increasingly cynical world, I still feel that people are willing to believe what is 'the better story' when truth itself is so hard to digest. The book is a tribute to imagination that allows us to create a world that is far away from reality, a reality we do not 'want' to believe. It also showed me that when I believed something utterly, I would reject any other version outright, even if it may be the truth. A lesson for life indeed!

The other thing that stands out in this novel is the propensity of mankind to adapt to every possible situation. The author writes that everything becomes acceptable when one gets habituated to it, whether it is abandoning vegetarianism or even killing. There are no moral questions asked nor answered. It made me wonder to what lengths one would go to if one was trapped in an unforeseen scenario. Having been in the crowded streets in India and also in the sparsely populated streets of America, I still cannot imagine being alone in a vast ocean surrounded only by water. Surely one would die of hopelessness. Therefore, the book is also a testament to man's will and determination to survive against all odds, even if it requires uncharacteristic behaviour.

There are several layers in the book that I might be unable to express here but I would like to think of it as an ode to man's imagination that somehow makes things more beautiful, and life easier to live. Yes, the 'Life of Pi' is so unbelievable that you want to believe in it and accept it whole-heartedly.

 

P.S : In spite of hints of plagiarism that I have no clue about, I deeply admire Yann Martel's research and knowledge of another culture that made me almost wonder if he was Indian!

 

Home Sweet Home

The chugging train comes to a grinding halt, pushing sleep from dreary eyes away,
the cool morning breeze fans my joy, I'm home again today.
Familiar though the route may be, with the path remaining the same,
the landmarks play hide and seek, as eyes search for buildings by their old name.
Hard to recognize in its new finery, my city has changed - it's true,
but it still beckons me with open arms, because hasn't my life changed too?

My city, my home, my first love, you are so true to me.
For old or new, you are mine and will always be.
With you, my first breath began. With you, I learned to grow.
You were there with me throughout, in moments both high and low.
With you, I etched memories, of family and dear friends,
of movies, music and conversations that would never end.
Childhood, adolescence, teenage - you have seen me pass through all,
through moments of glory, moments of pain, moments both big and small.
You were there with me, when I stepped into the threshold of wedded bliss.
As I left beloved ones behind, you too I knew I would deeply miss.

Once a resident, now a visitor - thus my equation with you now stands,
and as I come home, memories flood the mind like the water on the sands,
Because in your every nook and cranny, there is a moment of my life hidden,
from the endless banter at the busstops to the gatherings in the gardens.

And with my sweet home in the corner, home to unforgettable moments infinite,

the body might be miles away, but with you will always be my spirit.

My city, you are not mine alone, you are the thread that binds
the millions who call you home and in you, heaven find.
Strangers become friends with the mere mention of your name -
with a common love, a shared pride and an equal claim.
Is it your soothing beauty? Is it your languid way of life?
Or is it your peaceful nature that abhors any kind of strife?
It can be all and so much more, for you are not just a place,
you are an attitude, a belief and a dearly-held space
in the minds and hearts of everyone who know and love you,
who cherish their bond with you, whether it be old or new.

You are for me the remembrance of the freedom of a young soul,
a life when the burden of responsibility never played a major role.

And as the train takes me away from you again, the heart briefly sighs,

for I have started on a new journey, somewhere else my new home lies.

But my love for you will be the same, the miles between us many or few,

because my house may be in any city, but my home sweet home is you.

Friends Forever

With Friendship Day around the corner, I couldn't help but wonder where the terms 'friendship' and 'friends' figure in my life right now. As the days pass by in a monotonous rigmarole of household and mommy duties, it took me a couple of phone calls from old friends to pause and think how life has changed.

Yes, years roll on and one becomes older. Friends are lost on the way - to distance (physically or emotionally), misunderstandings, or lack of communication. But even with the ones that remain, the bond acquires newer meanings. As each of us gets presumably busy with our own lives, friends somehow slid down our priority ladder and are acknowledged with a stray phone call or email, often only to intimate important events. When earlier, hours and hours were spent on the phone talking to them over trivial (but ultra-serious then) and meaningless matter - which reminds me of a brilliant line from the movie 'Jaane tu ya jaane na' where the actress wonders, "College ke din kaise guzar gaye pata hi nahi chala' and the mother of her friend replies, "Phone pe, beta. Phone pe!" - now, there is never the same urgency or opportunity to convey our happiness or pain, as the case may be.

Another question that plagues me is how men are capable of maintaining their friends while women are unable to do so. With the recent flick, ZNMD, glorifying male bonding, I wonder why there are none that speak of female relationships. I remember going out on a trip to California to meet my husband's college friends and their families. But I cannot imagine or remember having heard of a woman taking her husband along on a trip or vacation to meet her friends and their families. Is it because we are so caught up with our family life that we no longer have the need to meet our friends on a regular basis? Or is it because we are so busy that the few days we are free, we would rather enjoy spending it with our relations than our friends, even though we are in one city? It could also be that as life moves on, women adjust themselves to their surroundings and still maintain a close circle of friends - which now comprises of a neighbour, a colleague or a sister-in-law instead of a classmate or a childhood friend.

I also find myself becoming cynical thinking of how close friends now apparently have nothing to talk about other than work and family before the inevitable 'What else?' looms large over the horizon. But I have had infinitely great moments of friendship in my life and I am far too practical to view this gradual phasing out of friends as sad or regretful. Life is like that...the people may not remain the same but the memories of fun, love and excitement will always remain fresh in our minds. Also coming from a family where friends were always treated as family, I have memories of my uncle's friends dropping in during festivals or my cousin's friends being on equally chummy terms with the rest of us. Consequently, my brother's friends were constant visitors while I was a permanent guest member of my sister's gang. So, memories of friendship for me are not just confined to the ones I had with my own friends but the ones I saw all through my life.

A New Year party that my sister's group had at our home is forever a cherished memory. The combined studies, the birthday outings, the movie shows - I was a constant fixture in my sister's life. Similarly, my friends were as at home with her as they would be with me; with some even ganging up on me with her. The long letters, the incessant phone calls (which on birthdays were nonstop), the continuous flow of greeting cards, small gifts and friendship bands- these were the stuff that made up the glorious days of our college life. Talking on and on, in classes, outside classes, at the bus stops, on the way home, after coming home - I wonder what the hell did we have so much to talk about? There was a time when a group of us decided on a picnic to a popular spot in Vizag, Kailasgiri, which is a hilltop. We walked all the way up, spent some time and walked all the way down, which took us a whole day and yet, none of us had any aches or pains and neither was there a dull moment. Ah! The passion and pleasure of youth!

As I go down memory lane, I can recount innumerable instances of fun and frolic - always meeting friends whenever we had time (when did I study?), doing stupid things that are obligatory when one is young, the infatuations, the humour, the laughter, the fights, the problems that seemed life-threatening, the confusion but most of all, the love and affection - which probably is making me miss the good old days and rue the changes that life brings. But as another Friendship Day dawns, I would rather feel blessed for the wonderful times I had with my friends who are all now happy and settled in their own lives than spend it as a day whose meaning and celebration has changed so drastically for me. Because, there will always be someone who will remember me and feel happy to have been my friend as I will for all the friends who made my life cheerful and happy once.
                                         

                          So no one told you life was gonna be this way

                          Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA,
                          It's like you are always stuck in second gear
                          When it hasn't been your day, your week,
                          your month or even your year.

                          But I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour,
                          I'll be there for you, like I've been there before,
                          I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.
                                
                                                                      Theme song of 'Friends'.