A Merry Christmas!

December is a month which probably some of us like most in a year for various reasons - holidays, the end of a year with the promise of a new beginning, cold winter mornings which are always welcome in a hot country like India, and occasions like Christmas and New Year's Eve which see revelry and celebration.

This year's Christmas was special for me because I decided to initiate a small ritual of gift-giving for my sons. My elder son, thanks to the cartoon shows he watches, was fascinated with the concept of X-mas trees and gifts given by the mythical Santa Claus. A month before the festival, he eagerly counted down the days hoping for a Christmas gift. I too jumped on to the bandwagon by constantly harping on the "fact" that Santa Claus would only give him and his brother a gift if they behaved well and were good boys. Naturally, my elder one took it to heart and began to listen to me. He also reminded his younger brother (who is unfortunately too young to be manipulated) that he better be nice if he wanted a gift. Funnily, my son has never showed as much enthusiasm for any of our festivals. (Diwali - he's afraid of the bombs, Holi - not game

enough to play with colours , all other festivals where food is the most important thing - not a foodie). 

To give him a true feel of the festival spirit, I decided to buy an X-mas tree and surprise him with a gift on Christmas morning. I bought my two sons a couple of presents and then stopped on my way at a shop which was selling Christmas trees of various sizes. Seeing a really cute and small one, I stepped inside and quickly bought it along with a star and some Christmas decorations. As the salesperson was packing my purchases, I suddenly realized that I, a Hindu, was buying a symbol of a Christian festival from a shop that was owned and managed by a Muslim! I was amazed at this simple but wonderfully warm feeling of being in a community of love, respect and tolerance. It is indeed small instances like these that remind us that even in times of cynicism, negativity and intolerance, it is possible for us to be sane and sensible, tolerant and human. 

Needless to say, my son was overjoyed on finding his present under the Christmas tree as soon as he woke up that day. It was indeed a merry Christmas!

Notes from a Mother's Diary

Sometimes the biggest luxury I can have is to be able to take a bath at leisure...without worrying about what is happening outside.

Looking after one kid is like riding a roller-coaster....many highs some lows. Looking after two kids is like a NON-STOP roller-coaster.

There are moments when I just need to take a break.. for one moment, at least, please! So, I close my eyes, lean my back on the diwan and relax. At that point, I don't care if my elder son is busy scribbling on the walls or if my younger son is crawling away to some unsavoury place. I will handle it later. But right now give me one moment's peace, please!

My younger son is trying to get up with the help of suppport. And like it often happens, he falls down and gets a bump on his head. But he's at it again, many times! Sometimes, I wonder at his determination. He will continue doing it until he masters it. When exactly do we lose this determination that all of us must have had when we were kids? Probably not very late, judging by my elder's impatience and reluctance to learn anything now. 

 

My elder son who is a toddler is now able to speak everything, albeit in a language only his parents can completely understand. Now, children have the amazing ability to pick up entirely unnecessary and politically incorrect phrases and language from other kids(often elder to them). So when my eldest was in this particular stage, where if he was angry or wanted to be rude, he uttered one word in Telugu which was 'potty-related', unfortunately. But thankfully because he still had the baby language, others couldn't completely understand what he was saying. So, when they would turn their head and ask, "What is he saying?", it was all I could do to control my laughter and say, "Nothing!"  while inwardly, it would be, "Trust me, you don't want to know!"

The one thing that is freely given to mothers and that too unsolicited is ADVICE. Everyone is ready to give advice on what we should feed our kids, how we should dress them, what morals we should teach them, how much TV they should watch...blah  blah blah. I have just one thing to ask them - Haven't you heard - Mother knows best? - No, not Father, Mother-in-law, Cousin and least of all, not Friendly Neighbourhood Aunt Knows Best. It's not that I don't need advice.  Of course I do. But I will ask my mother or my sister or sometimes, peers (mothers who have children of the same age as mine). And, I realize the best source is my mother. So, again Mother knows best!

All mothers are fed up with the constant cartoon watching. But sometimes, watching one can be a stress buster. For me, watching an episode of 'bubbleguppies' or dora or even a new episode of 'bheem' is honestly the best pick-me-up for the day. By the way, how adorable are the bubble guppies?!

My eldest son has just joined kindergarten. He rarely tells me anything about school on his own. So, when I asked him to tell me some rhyme, he looked at me and asked me accusingly, Nuvvu teacher aa? (Are you teacher?) Sorry, I am not and that is his way of saying, "You have no business to ask". Just one month of joining school and my son has already grown up! :(

After all the morning hungama, I have finally 10 minutes of rest before the next round of chores start. My eldest is at school. Hubby's in office. Younger one is asleep. I finish my breakfast and sit next to the sleeping infant, with newspaper in hand. That's when junior opens his eyes lazily and looks at me. Now I know he will wake up if he sees a slight movement from me. so I stay frozen, with my hand holding the paper in air. I don't smile. I don't move an inch. I hope he will close his eyes again and sleep, and give me just 5 minutes extra time to relax. But no he opens his eyes wide, gives me a beatific smile and gets up. If he knew how to talk, he would say, "Mom, do you think I'm so stupid that I don't know that you are very much there and are not my dream?" 

What's with children and sleep? It's like my kids have been born with FOMO ( fear of missing out) syndrome. They will control their sleep with superhuman effort until even they (gasp!) cannot control it anymore. I mean, what's with this sleep control struggle? I'm surely going to have my revenge a few years down the line when they will finally realize what they have actually been missing - hours of blissful sleep!

P.S: The title is completely hypothetical... for 1. I don't have a diary and 2. Even if I had one, would I have the time or patience to write in it??

Teatime and Happiness

Happiness (or contentment or peace or heaven) for me is sitting in the second room at my home in Vizag at fourish in the afternoon, drinking tea, made by Appa, along with my family. It is the best time of the day. We have had our afternoon siesta and now are in that state of limbo before the evening activity begins. Over a hot cup of perfectly made tea, we chat about sundry topics.The usual suspects are Amma, Appa, Mamma, myself, Akka, Anna and Attiga (take or leave one or two). And at that precise moment, it feels like God is in his Heaven and all is right with the world.

The Tea Nazi: Tea made by Appa is simply the best and perfect tea for all of us. There are a lot of in-jokes about it. For example, he will never start the process of starting the tea before four o'clock (unless it is an emergency) whether he is in Vizag, Hyderabad or USA. Secondly, he has to know how many of us are going to have tea.If you happen to be sleeping or out at that time, you may be awake or home just 5 minutes after he started making tea, Appa's response -"sorry, no tea for you!" So, you should consider yourself lucky if you are able to get a cup of tea.The way he makes tea is also like a scientist - measuring the right amount of milk, tea powder and sugar. Everything has to be  precise. But like gourmet chefs or those fancy dining restaurants, where food is served in minuscule portions, Appa's tea comes in limited amounts...the tea is great but it will be over in two gulps.All said and done, Appa makes awesome chai. The only downside as I realized once - when I made tea, my maid told me, "Sorry, amma, you do not make good tea like your father." So, it's always Appa's chai for us...and especially in Vizag when we are all assembled, it is
the most chilled-out and happiest time ever.

P.S: This post has been inspired by two of my friend's posts, "Happiness is" and "How to Make Tea".

Beerakaya Peechu

In today's technology-driven world, ads about mobiles and internet often brag about connectivity - of how it has become a small world where everyone is connected. But what they do not know is that this connectivity has existed for years and years among Indian families...especially families belonging to my sub-sect. For us,
the world of Madhvas is indeed a small one -  go where you may( and I mean family functions), there is no way that you can escape from being connected. In many a gathering, the following instance would occur with alarming regularity-
Woman greets my mother. Mother introduces me to her. And then - 'Do you know who she is? She is related to us like this. She is my grandfather's brother's daughter's *yawn, yawn, yawn*". While I politely used to nod and smile, while thinking in my head, "Whatever!"
And then I got married. Coming from two big families (paternal and maternal) and getting married into another big one, I soon realized how connected we all are. I think for several decades, and even now, families used to arrange marriages within our sub-sect, as a result of which everyone is remotely or closely connected with everyone else.Moreover, majority of us come from a common place. So 'you are from Vizianagaram' is introduction enough to launch into a discussion of common relations.
And this is how I came to realize and master the game my parents and their generation excel in.

The many ways in which my husband's family and mine are related:
(Warning: The following information is completely mind-boggling and absolutely worthless. So, please proceed with caution.)

My father's third sister and my husband's father's first sister are daughters-in-law of the same family. Or my aunt and my h's aunt are co-sisters(which is the term I believe for daughters-in-law of the same family).So, my cousin and my h.'s cousin are cousins!( Btw, this is how our marriage proposal came about in the first
place.)
My father's second sister's husband's sister's husband's sister is my h.'s father's second younger brother's wife. Or my aunt's sister-in-law's sister-in-law is my h's aunt by marriage. So, my cousin's cousin and my h's cousin are cousins!
My father's second sister's husband's brother's daughter-in-law is my h's father's third younger brother's wife's sister's daughter. Or my aunt's brother-in-law's daughter-in-law is my h's aunt's(by marriage) niece. Or, my cousin's cousin's wife is my h's cousin's cousin.
My father's brother's wife and my h's father's third younger brother's daughter's husband are cousins. Or my aunt(by marriage) and my h's cousin's husband are cousins. Which is funny because my cousin is my kids' uncle but to my h's cousin's kids, he is a cousin. While my kids and my h's cousin's kids are second cousins.
Made your head spin, right?
My father's brother's daughter's husband is my h's father's second sister's husband's sister's son. Or my uncles's daughter's husband is my h's uncle's(by marriage) sister's son. So my cousin's husband and my h's cousin are cousins!

These are only a few of the ways we have common connections. Then there are the common neighbour relations, common college relations, and far too complex pathways of relation that will take a few days to explain.
While writing this, I understood how woefully lacking the English language is in assigning terms to relations...all are aunts and uncles. The following is the terminology we have for our varied range of uncles and aunts.

Atta - father's sister or mother's brother's wife
Attagaru - mother-in-law
Mava - mother's brother
Mavagaru - father-in-law or father's sister's husband
Doddappa or Pedda nanna - father's elder brother
Doddappagaru - mother's elder sister's husband
Doddamma or pedda amma - father's elder brother's wife or mother's elder sister
Kakka - father's younger brother
Kakkagaru - mother's younger sister's husband
Abuchi or pinni - mother's younger sister
Kakki - father's younger brother's wife

And that is how I learnt the art of relationship management..if there is such a thing. The only consolation I have of gaining this knowledge is that I can see myself  in the years ahead boring my two sons to death with my mastery of who is related to whom and how, while they roll their eyes in amusement or indifference.

As for the title, whenever there is a discussion on such impossible connections being found between two people, the final word is always, 'Beerakaya peechu' which literally means the peeled skin of a ridge gourd. Anyone who has ever peeled a not-so-fresh ridge gourd will know that none of the strands come out clean without attaching themselves to their next strand....quite like our very own huge family of common heritage.

Trivial Musings

Why do some movies which seem blah in the theatres appear great when watched again on dvd or telly?

Why did God create lizards? Even if He did for some very good reason, why do they have to hang around inside homes?

Why does a vacation last a longer time during the anticipation, planning and excitement stage than it actually is during real time?

Why is the feature that we hate the most about ourselves the one that is most noticed by others?

What is the ultimate test of patience?....going through the IRCTC website, especially when booking a tatkal ticket

Most common reply heard from men (husbands) when asked about anything, right from 'should I go to my mom's house next week?' to 'what to get for your cousin's wedding?' - "Let's see". I am really not sure what they are waiting to see!

Isn't it ironic how we miss the old days but given a chance, really wouldn't like going back to that time and place? Or, maybe it is just my opinion.

Meaning of stupendous relief : When the power goes off in the middle of a summer night and one is in that half-awake,half-asleep state, when the mosquitoes have a field day(or night) singing in our ears and we curse the electricity department, the sound of the fan blades slowly coming to life is simply the moment of 'stupendous relief'.

Alternately, when one is finally inside the loo, when one is urgently in the need to be there...stupendous is the relief!

The most adorable thing is when a toddler's eyes finally droop and he/she falls asleep, especially when it is out of sheer tiredness and requires no other effort from mom or dad. (Mom of a 3-yr-old speaking!)
When you have a baby, the speed at which you can fall asleep is always inversely proportional to the speed at which baby is ready to sleep. Simply put, you want to sleep but can not. Your baby has to sleep but will not!

And, finally the biggest irony in my life presently - how mothers like me who so want a girl are blessed with boys, while scores of girl children are either killed before they are born, abandoned if they are lucky enough to be born or treated to such discrimination that makes the blood boil!! God surely has a strange sense of humour.