In today's technology-driven world, ads about mobiles and internet often brag about connectivity - of how it has become a small world where everyone is connected. But what they do not know is that this connectivity has existed for years and years among Indian families...especially families belonging to my sub-sect. For us,
the world of Madhvas is indeed a small one - go where you may( and I mean family functions), there is no way that you can escape from being connected. In many a gathering, the following instance would occur with alarming regularity-
Woman greets my mother. Mother introduces me to her. And then - 'Do you know who she is? She is related to us like this. She is my grandfather's brother's daughter's *yawn, yawn, yawn*". While I politely used to nod and smile, while thinking in my head, "Whatever!"
And then I got married. Coming from two big families (paternal and maternal) and getting married into another big one, I soon realized how connected we all are. I think for several decades, and even now, families used to arrange marriages within our sub-sect, as a result of which everyone is remotely or closely connected with everyone else.Moreover, majority of us come from a common place. So 'you are from Vizianagaram' is introduction enough to launch into a discussion of common relations.
And this is how I came to realize and master the game my parents and their generation excel in.
The many ways in which my husband's family and mine are related:
(Warning: The following information is completely mind-boggling and absolutely worthless. So, please proceed with caution.)
My father's third sister and my husband's father's first sister are daughters-in-law of the same family. Or my aunt and my h's aunt are co-sisters(which is the term I believe for daughters-in-law of the same family).So, my cousin and my h.'s cousin are cousins!( Btw, this is how our marriage proposal came about in the first
place.)
My father's second sister's husband's sister's husband's sister is my h.'s father's second younger brother's wife. Or my aunt's sister-in-law's sister-in-law is my h's aunt by marriage. So, my cousin's cousin and my h's cousin are cousins!
My father's second sister's husband's brother's daughter-in-law is my h's father's third younger brother's wife's sister's daughter. Or my aunt's brother-in-law's daughter-in-law is my h's aunt's(by marriage) niece. Or, my cousin's cousin's wife is my h's cousin's cousin.
My father's brother's wife and my h's father's third younger brother's daughter's husband are cousins. Or my aunt(by marriage) and my h's cousin's husband are cousins. Which is funny because my cousin is my kids' uncle but to my h's cousin's kids, he is a cousin. While my kids and my h's cousin's kids are second cousins.
Made your head spin, right?
My father's brother's daughter's husband is my h's father's second sister's husband's sister's son. Or my uncles's daughter's husband is my h's uncle's(by marriage) sister's son. So my cousin's husband and my h's cousin are cousins!
These are only a few of the ways we have common connections. Then there are the common neighbour relations, common college relations, and far too complex pathways of relation that will take a few days to explain.
While writing this, I understood how woefully lacking the English language is in assigning terms to relations...all are aunts and uncles. The following is the terminology we have for our varied range of uncles and aunts.
Atta - father's sister or mother's brother's wife
Attagaru - mother-in-law
Mava - mother's brother
Mavagaru - father-in-law or father's sister's husband
Doddappa or Pedda nanna - father's elder brother
Doddappagaru - mother's elder sister's husband
Doddamma or pedda amma - father's elder brother's wife or mother's elder sister
Kakka - father's younger brother
Kakkagaru - mother's younger sister's husband
Abuchi or pinni - mother's younger sister
Kakki - father's younger brother's wife
And that is how I learnt the art of relationship management..if there is such a thing. The only consolation I have of gaining this knowledge is that I can see myself in the years ahead boring my two sons to death with my mastery of who is related to whom and how, while they roll their eyes in amusement or indifference.
As for the title, whenever there is a discussion on such impossible connections being found between two people, the final word is always, 'Beerakaya peechu' which literally means the peeled skin of a ridge gourd. Anyone who has ever peeled a not-so-fresh ridge gourd will know that none of the strands come out clean without attaching themselves to their next strand....quite like our very own huge family of common heritage.
